A Performance Installation for the Form/No Form Arts Alive Installation event at Synapsis Warehouse, Eureka, CA. Feb 6th 2010 6-10pm.
"Appointments"
set in a small room, upstairs in the warehouse,
sign up for an appointment of 15 minutes
with val smith
below is the writing component of the installation;
:Preparations for appointments
Arranging things in places,
Drawers to capture isolations, separations, of pens and papers in piles, possible gifts for those who come to feel
Themselves
Possibly
Spaces to see yourself, like mirrors of memes
Puddles with indentations of rain, dispersing, dispersing,
Settling in to performance ‘preparation’
This way of being, gently
Meg is at the library, both ways
I see the puddle grow, swell
Spacing out flyers for past and present events – full moon open house, drag pageant and threads/adrift.
This is called (Wolves, nighttime & the purpose of life
Sat 6th feb 2010, 7-10pm
At synapsis
47a, W 3rd, Eureka
Between A and commercial
Details, that spark neurosis, a piece of fluff that demarcates the clean desk top
It is picked and hidden behind, where they will not see,
Dirt and mistakes
I empty more thoughts, til the space says less, not empty but less,
a context of appointment room
Expectations of this contexts not met? Not attended to, by Me, ME.
What is your experience of yourself, me? In this moment of uncontextualised expectation.
Bodyworker, Minister/Shaman, Doctor, Counsellor….Teacher?
Or
Already known of, or quickly known of the openness to be, to play, of the game of this. Two people being together.
What is art?
Is this art?
Social community art.
Community dance art
other
Divining the divide
Feeling into the between space, the space between us,
What comes up here, now. Between us.
Being with that.
What is this divide – tuning, (forks) til harmonious resonating
So as communication can take place
At the level of energetic flow
Or perhaps somewhere else if this world cannot be tapped,
Eyes seeing, and feeling what is.
It feels right to do this….or to do that….or nothing/all.
.
.
feeling into you,
is this into, or onto, my projections and assumptions and meaning/making/mind always activating itself.
divining ; Tarot cards
Splitting the deck, and dividing, to lay down, some sparking
IMBUE
Expectations of social contexts,
11.
Meg. 6.20pm
The shadow of sound, the shadow side of hearing, shadow sounds,
The dark side of the auditory system
Dark side hearing
Swiveling, Tipping, head to hear sounds in shadow form, spiraling left to right, tipping off, staying right side, cos it feels right,
Hoping
For divinity to land,
This is it
Feeling eye hole emergings,
Smiling because of happiness emerging, and falling through into something guttural, through my intestines, the smile irrevealing, irrelevant, slipping out of focus, from surface to central axis, belly bulb,
We sit across from each other, face on, cushions underneath, seeing, being seen, eyes, noses, mouths, words, and soup, nesting next to and into the lamp, with the laced petticoat.
2.
Gingko. 7.10pm
Eyes, adrenalized walk, and heightened experience of self, awareness, clipping shoes and strut.
Enter and sit.
Its good, fine.
Little niggling glitches and separations, averting eyes, and diversions, from seeing/seen, dark eyes, no end or bottom to the sinking into, black holes,
Mouths, many variations on a ‘smile’,
Doors slamming
Heads quickly turning,
And testing self to see how long one can stay looking not blinking, holding breath as if under water,
I end this, \ after sips of water to segment time, and uncomfortable niches,
Who wins,
I read your cards, three, left, right centre, and look at you, meaning/making/mind without words or images, knowing, feeling, connections without
downstairs, questions, about “What does that do?”, “looking”
I wonder also, but avert.
Softly, kindly, this is knowing,
3.
Report 1.
I dance a report briefly of meg and gingko, to get a feel, I am of this essence,
A mapping,
Softly mapping, spaces, feelings, sights, assumptions.
Meanings, of relating,
How am I in this,
Where do I go with you?
Divining this divide
4.
Laura. 7.30/40
Wild animals and eyes, easy to see U/you, to see you, you have so much life inside, I enjoy you, you say you have a drawing for me, but that you forgot to bring it, heart opening, gift giving, delightful, receiving that thoughtfulness, and sparking space to give you pencil and card to draw, you begin to draw, me, it is a somehow strange moment of recurring the life modeling scene, I have a realization of my uncomfort with this attention to me, and it opens a streaming of energy in you, through your arms, out your fingers, like your concentrated energy starts to move, and this feels like an opening so I dance a little for/of you, I had also before also, a few depictions of the feeling of you in my own body, directions of moving inside you, towards centre, a drawing in, a diminishing, , I am touching my eye, there is something in this, you draw a third eye, on me,
5.
Bev. 7.40/50
Smile, smiles, smiling, heart, bloom, what is connection, and this is it, fasting heart, a familiar knowing,
sippingwater and each time
I desire
our glasses
to
clink, a toast,
celebrating this, us, now.
You wear a hat, an orange hat with a star in the centre , I want to touch, it, you. You hand it to me, I hand/le it and, and and, try it on, I’m not sure if you are laughing at me or with me, I am happy, joy, celebrating being with, now. Cheers. Eyes seeing. Falling deeper into,
I offer my seat to you,
you pour tea
and we sip again,
cheers,
its funny, but deeper than that.
'the event' is holding your wrists and falling deeply into feeling,
there are some jerks jerking that erupt energetically, a feeling of nervous system awakening, or being over stimulated? Just being with and enjoying.
You ask to feel my hair/head as i/we emerge from wrist/doors, I offer my head to you, laying my forehead down with a clunk to fully immerse in it, delightful, I wonder if flakes of skin have fallen, or hands are slimy from oils, but only after looking up to see your eyes and realizing how relaxed I had become and let go so much, so quickly, you are delighting, thanks. Happy. more.
6.
Meg. 7.50/8
Fastemergenceintoself,
like a billowing cloud,
billl looow iiiiing
for you I am me, this me, thankyou, ‘thankgod’, fast billowing inwardly, circles puffing outwardly, becoming.
Two eyes with variations, a continuation of the previous session, and this time I can go much deeper, quicker, touching next to your left eye and along to your temple, sure.
What is deeper? And why does it feel right to say so, in relation to shallow, the feeling/being of this is deeper inside of me closer to my ‘axis’ centre.
Touch belly, sternum, clavicle trace, billowing out, a triangle calling for sternum, placement of dots, to form a triangle, more circles, or bubbles emerging, then strongly a tearingheartfeeling, not wanting you to leave, a strong desire to cling, don’t go,
beeeee here allllwayssssssssssss
quickly between your two skins together, hand between knees – a link to stu, and also a place of comfort, tightly held, supporting me/self. Thankyou. Crying quickly deeply , heart breaks open, then billowing out of it, cloudly, emerging, to soft comfort and happiness. Time moves quickly with you.
7.
Report 2.
Downstairs
Washing cups and updates with Gingko.
I see snacks and people, variations on hellos.
To enter the space
Christopher playing kindly on the edges and leslie’s crowd of little people
Lots of littles.>
Set up a corner to reflect and replay, represent (?) the appointments
My little maps are hindrances for me to connect, little naps.
What of this moment in this space, what of it?
Removing robe and aligning report cards in a little semi circle facing me
Stories becoming life.
I remember, in bev, a big beautiful heart, and falling in love.
crying with meg, leaving, this is heavy,
Dancing gingko is interesting, a long line with strong inserts, dynamic explosions,
I wonder about the composition of the appointment, the overall picture, perhaps it can read more compositionally…?
Dancing is fleeing.
Moving is a representatatatata-tation of a memory, inaccurately describing a moment that was evolving then, emerging.
Residual feelings in the moment of the report perhaps more relevant, joyful connections emerging, heart connections
8.
Caroline 9:00
Averting eyes.
And not, I don’t feel comfortable, I am struggling to stay with, I want to know you. There is a calm strength, and unsureness loosely draped across.
I use this piece of string for you to hold one end, and me the other, towards your heart and mine,
A strong direction. Is this a ritual, it’s been a long time. >?
I sound/s through the string, a line into you. A telephone cable. It calls for energizing a strongly positioned position in the centre of the length of string, I hOm strongly into that, chigong, ring that bell, strongly energizing centre, energy needed here. Moments of Eyes shifting away from looking, hard to develop connecting, to feeling, feeling anyways, sending into, de-spite, as I finish sounding I lower the string at micro speed, it coils down, laying itself out I Chingly, see sees into it, meaning –making ( ) ?, I wonder of her process. See says thankyou and leaves. I think I dismissed the seeing of the coiled ending.
I wonder of this. Of you. Who are you?
Next time I’ll just ask.
9.
Renee 9.10
Happy to be seeing you.
Sitting together on cushions, pouring warm water and sipping sipping, see space, to lie down, there is some shuffling to get the pillows comfortable and cushioning her, behind knees, squeezing hand up to shoulder and knees and thighlegs, hands onto sternum and below ribcage, a pulsing begins, slight, and some hOming into her tissues, I feel safe and want to value her. With words.
The truth is you are.
I tell her I am really gladdd she is part of the project. Hold hand when leaving.
Me.
Get well soon.
Everyone.
10.
Ishan & T/Ero
My most ‘difficult’ appointment feeling perhaps, arching unknowns of tense metal structures.
with child who wants to exit and leave for pastures of loose fun, downstairs, with the party
a leaving, a pulling, a following, an anxiety, a worry, an asking, a question, a leaving, a following.
So following initially into the hallway and down to the stairs then back into the room, trying sitting on cushions with papers and pencils, to draw, then leaving and feeling “ok” about that, much permission to leave, he asks “ what am I (me/i?) feeling?” he asks “ I didn’t know what to expect so…?” , he asks. I am crossing the divide to enter into the stream of energetics. There is a strong pull towards the child and a settling, or an emerging into settling, such a strong pull away from here, I say it takes time to get familiar, and to meet him, one of the film people, glad about that. Some feeling of seeing and being seen. “in order to feel myself my self of this self”, then I see your eyes finally behind glasses, thickening, still not knowing much, but glimpsing. Static tension. Power lines, strickening.
A longer appointment? Half an hour? a day? A year?
Lets make a film about eyewear. And the dance behind the lens.
11.
Report 3.
Final report, a culmination.
Allowing the space to inform me but still sticking mostly to the format of reporting back on the appointments, in order of how they were, so as to feel the progression? Am I overwriting leslie, it feels fine I think..
didn’t say any names this time, nor times of appointments, irrelevant? that drew me out last time, wanting to, staying in, throughout, more, looking at cards draws me out of flowing energetics. Staying with that format though, referring to cards, the maps aren’t very useful, for this way, it’s better if I just be with the moment of mapping feelings, now feelings, rather than markers of then, so as not to fall into representing the past, it can be more of a tracking the ‘present past’, how I am now with the lingering traces of the past still inside me, moving, evolving, changing, dissolving, hardening..
Front and Center, standing
This time is this time,
This is the report, the others were warm ups, discarding my previous perfections, a humanity glitching,
more certainty and how and what occurs, and how to craft that.
People gather fullfledgingly, to the apex of the doorway, some woman nervous about entering the space, screaming and curling, I will walk across to here and hold her tight,
I-energy with meg fully, the intensity of that sadness, streaming, and gingko a little blast/blasted, reaching over her back when she is othering, and touching her back, light, as she reaches the other way, like a game,
Bev letter, arching golden rainbows streaming warming, easily playing strongly, chest breaking open fully joyglee-fully, like a child, shrieking.
Renee is Here.
More.
Til-ing end, seaming edges, the end touches my fingertips, there is stu, present, led zep and gumboots. Ending feel me, touches, sweeping up, and clean. Easy exit.
